I have people asking me why I haven’t. People telling me it’s ok your allowed to start looking. While they may be right in that I can’t. Not because of anything I could tell them about. Not because of anything they would understand.

I had already moved on. I had already found what I wanted. I just haven’t been able to realize it. I don’t know that I ever will but I do know that I don’t want anything else. There is only her. Anything else would be pointless. No one else is her.

I see her picture and I know it’s only her. No one else will look like her. No one else will have all those qualities I see in her that I love so much.

She told me to move on, but I can’t, I don’t know how. I don’t believe her reasons that I should. I know why she used them. And i know they aren’t true. I find myself looking for her. Every girl I see I look to see if it’s her. It’s not so I look away. They don’t matter. They’re insignificant. They aren’t her. I don’t know how to move on from someone that’s captured me so. I don’t want to move on.

She has something she needs to see through. I understand that. I can’t fault that. People can’t move on until they do. I have something I need to see through as well. I can’t move on until I do. I’d rather wait on her than pretend I’m interested in anyone else. I’m not.
They just don’t matter to me. Only she does, I only want her. I’d rather spend my time alone thinking of what could be with her than in the company of someone who could never mean as much to me. Someone who could never measure up to the standard of woman that she is. It would only be a lie and if any day she told me she was ready I would leave anyone else behind for that chance. For me there is no moving on. Simply waiting for a moment to arise where I can see my dreams through…

Your own worst enemy can be your imagination, your hopes, your dreams…

My nights are spent alone,
Where her light once shone,
How I miss her every day,
Every thought in every way,
Her heavenly emerald eyes,
Left me with no more why’s,
Her fire was lit within me,
Now she is all I can see,
I am blind to all around,
For her is what I’ve found,
My heart will never stray,
Though hers is gone away,
Now I know not what to do,
I hoped she was mine too,
My dreams are hard to see,
They only happen to me,
She was in every one,
So luminous her my sun,
Now in the dark I sit alone,
Where her light once shone…

Morning came for us that day so long ago,
We’ve been chasing sunrise so long it’s all we know,
Endless days of starry night,
Constant battles, so many fights,
I pray that’s all behind us, say goodnight,
Goodnight heartache,
Goodnight sadness,
Goodnight to melodies,
So full of madness,
Say goodnight to it tomboy
Please say goodnight,
Many tears were shed to find this place,
So many nights a never ending race,
Now that we’re here,
We’ve nothing to fear,
Say goodnight my tomboy,
Please say goodnight,
Goodnight pain,
Goodnight sorrow,
Goodnight to all of it,
Don’t come back tomorrow,
Say goodnight to it tomboy,
Please say goodnight,
Our sunset is coming,
I’m left asking why,
My tomboy is leaving,
She’s waving goodbye,
She’s moved on
To another sunrise
She misses the starlight
Misses the night,
Daytime is fading losing its light,
Goodnight my tomboy
Goodnight
Goodnight to sunshine
Goodnight to dreams
Goodnight to happiness
To so many things
Goodnight to my sweet tomboy
Goodnight

I gazed into those eyes unknown,
Eyes I had never seen but cannot forget, I had thought them to be angels dancing within bathed in emerald silk, I watched as they danced, as tears came forth from their depths, I could no longer see the dance, this tempest of emotion blurring the emerald clad angels, distorting their grace and movement, becoming the tortured past lives of the soul within, wetness ran down mine own face, for the loss of something so beautiful, I could not look away, I will not look away, I wish to see those angels yet again, to watch as they dance, as the tears began to cease, the storm within her calmed, again those angels could dance within her bathed in emerald silk..